11 thoughts on “First Line

  1. If you want to leave it, that's totally fine, but I'd put a comma after then. =D Just read above, so I'm agreeing with Anne. LOL. Then the sentence flows very nicely.

  2. I liked this line quite a bit. I can see what the other commenters are saying,b ut if this is your characters voice I wouldn't suggest changing it around.If you do leave it as is, I think you could lose the word 'then':"…but as was my nature I didn't bother to pay attention."

  3. I have to agree with Jen and Kelly. I love the first part."Mother always told me never to start a new endeavor on a full moon, but my nature never heeded her warnings.I hope this helps… good luck.Michael

  4. Agreeing with the first comment; starts out strong but the second half doesn't maintain momentum. My suggestion:"Mother always told me never to start a new endeavor on a full moon and, as usual, I paid her advice no attention."

  5. The first part of this is really strong, but the second have is jumbled to me. I would take out the as was my nature then and change up the words. Maybe say something likeMu mother told me never to start a new endeavor on the full moon, but as usual I didn't bother to pay attention.

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